i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
