at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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