if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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