Your mouth is God's brothel.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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