Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
