So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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