Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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