Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
