dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
i drank out of a bidet.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
