I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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