Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
