im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
