Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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