I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
