I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Randomize