i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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