i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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