I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
