He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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