I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
