no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize