Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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