I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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