i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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