Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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