i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
