so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
