Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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