I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
