What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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