Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
