True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
