She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
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