omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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