Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
