My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
