Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I hate all girls vehemently.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
