I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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