I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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