This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I FOUND THE LEGS
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
