lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
