he thought i was a dude.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
