She's JV to your varsity
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
