i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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