I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
