so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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