I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
