Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
