I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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