Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
