At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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