In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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