On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
