I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
