he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize