Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
