if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
