the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
