i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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