I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
