Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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