I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
