Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
