How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
