yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
