Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
