You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
