The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
