I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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