Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
