My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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