WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
