sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
