So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
