I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
