Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
