Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
